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Friday, February 28, 2014

The Final Countdown

     Well, twelve days from now I will be on a plane heading to Prague. I honestly cannot believe how quickly it has crept up on me. I feel so unprepared. I still have a million things to do. And packing? HA that's funny. I have virtually nothing packed. I remember scrambling around the night before I left for London trying to finish my packing. Let's hope I don't repeat that this time around. I feel like this day is sneaking up on me so fast. In less than two weeks, I will be back on European soil. I am not even going to try to lie, I am really scared. The closer it gets to March 12th, the more apprehensive I become. This time around, it is so different. I am going completely alone without knowing anyone else. Also, I think the fact that I don't know how long I'll be gone is freaking me out a little bit. When I was studied abroad, I knew down to the day how long I would be away. This time around, I could be gone for any amount of time. Two months, six months, a year? Who knows. It's going to be harder for me because I don't know how long I will be away from everyone that I love.

    The last time I went away, my nephew was just shy of three months old. I missed him horribly. Now, my little buddy is almost three. I am so fearful of leaving him. He is old enough now to understand that Aunt Keek won't be back for awhile. On top of that, I now also have a five month old niece. I will be leaving not one, but two little ones behind. I have so many reservations and I know a lot of my loved ones would feel relieved if I changed my mind about going. Despite all these fears and reservations, I know that I won't change my mind. I have spent way too much time dreaming of this day that is fast approaching. I have obsessively researched job opportunities abroad. I have prayed and hoped and dreamed of this moment. I couldn't imagine my regret if I changed my mind. This is hands down the most brave thing that I have ever done. Five years ago, if you would have told me that I would be moving to Europe all by myself, I would have laughed in your face. I have never considered myself a particularly independent person. I rely on a lot of people for help and advice. My family and friends have always been my crutch. I guess this will be the first time I will truly be on my own. After 23 years, I will finally feel like an adult. Of course, in true Kasey style, I can't easily transition into adulthood like a normal person. Instead, I pick the most drastic change that anyone could go through. I can't help that I caught the travel bug. I can't help that I'm different from my family and 90% of my friends. I don't believe that life is meant to be spent in one place. I want experiences. I don't want a boyfriend or a husband or a child right now. I just want to go see the world. Whenever I am feeling apprehensive or afraid, I need to remember why I am doing this in the first place. I need to remember what made me fall in love with travel. One of the worst feelings is living with regret. I refuse to live my life with regret. So, in twelve days, I will board a plane to Prague, feeling fearful and anxious. But underneath all that uncertainty, the desire to travel and explore will fuel me to keep going. I know that this is what I am meant to be doing.