It's Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies

 People look at specks of my life through social media and "ooh and ahh" about it. More than once, I have heard statements such as: "You're so lucky!" or "You're living the dream!". And, yes, I am extremely fortunate to have this opportunity to live and work abroad. Yes, I am living out my dream of being immersed in a foreign country. But life has its ups and downs no matter the circumstances.

There are always going to be good days and bad days. And I will admit that I don't talk about the not-so-great aspects of living in Europe and being 4,000 miles away from home. Those things typically aren't discussed over social media for a number of reasons. First of all, we don't want others to see us as that "whiny, annoying" person on their newsfeed . We all know someone who posts depressing things on their social media in order to receive some attention. Secondly, it's just not the norm to talk about the not-so-amazing aspects of our lives on social media. Most of the time, we seek gratification from our friends and peers through our posts raving about our accomplishments and our seemingly "perfect" lives. We rant and rave about the cool things we've seen and the places that we've been. We often gush about our lives...posting pictures that scream, "Look at how great my life is!". And to peoples' credit, sometimes it's not meant to make others jealous. For example whenever I visit a new place, I feel so much happiness that I want to share that feeling with my friends and family. But, as I'm sure you know, there is plenty of content floating around social media that's main purpose is to make other people envious.

Honestly, I have days here where I don't even want to go out of my flat because I'm feeling like shit that day and don't want to be bothered. Sometimes a girl just wants to go to the store without makeup on wearing yoga pants without feeling judged. Let's just say that living in the center of a capital city makes that quite difficult. There are days where it's so frustrating to not know the native language that something as simple as ordering food can majorly stress you out. There are days where the very thought of my family brings me to tears because I remember how long it's been since I've seen them and how hard it is to get to them.

I know, I know what you're thinking...I sound like a stuck-up brat complaining about my "hard" European life. But just hear me out. This post isn't meant to complain about my life. Honestly, the life that I'm living is pretty grand. I am happier here in Prague than I have been anywhere else. I just want everyone to know that my life (much like anyone else's) is not a constant dream. We all have our good and bad days. Life can be a bitch no matter where you are or what you are doing. So next time you're feeling jealous while scrolling through your newsfeed, remember that there is much more to someone's life than the rosy picture they paint on social media.

That's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.

I have been known to be quite an empathetic (and often emotional) creature. Of course, sometimes this sucks. I could emphasize with week-old roadkill if I let myself. So maybe I'm feeling extra emotional lately...I don't know. But, sometimes a story that I read really strikes a chord with me and I can't shake off that icky feeling.

A good example of this is a viral video that I recently watched. It shows an autistic boy who thinks he is doing the ever popular "Ice Bucket Challenge". Instead, he gets a cruel surprise when the bucket being dumped on his head by his "friends" is filled with urine, feces, and saliva instead of ice water. I remember being horrified when I first read this story. How can I live in a world where people do this to other people? I felt so angry, sad, and disgusted. What would I have done if this boy had been my friend or family member? The anger I felt about what had happened to this virtual stranger was so fierce.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love fiercely. You can say whatever you want about me, but as soon as you talk about someone I love, we'll have a problem. I protect my niece and nephew like they are my own children. I'd like to think that one day I will have a family. But honestly, it scares the shit out of me thinking about bringing a human being into this world. I endlessly feel the need to protect my loved ones from all the bad things in our world. The logical part of me knows that that is impossible. There are always going to be good and bad people in the world. There are always going to be situations that you can't control. I just can't fathom seeing my (very, very, theoretical) children being hurt by these types of people. It makes me sick to think that people like this exist. And it just seems to be getting worse. With the internet and social media, it seems that people think they can do or say whatever they want without any repercussions. It's so disgusting to see the things that strangers say to other strangers. Do they not realize that a real person is on the other end of that message that they send? That someone's life could be affected by their words? Words can be so powerful.

I'm a strong believer in putting good in the world to get good out. I admit...sometimes it's hard for me, especially living in a big city. There are so many shitty people I run into on a weekly basis. Sometimes it makes it hard to want to be a nice person. Like the person who runs into you without giving you a second look...or that asshole who is making fun of a stranger on the street for how they look. Lately, I have had little faith in humanity. It makes me wonder what makes people the way they are. And even though there will always be shitty people trying to bring you down, I think it's important to try to stay positive and remember that there always will be good people out there. You just have to look for them.

Today I saw a girl wearing a shirt that read, "Don't Let Idiots Ruin Your Day" and it made me smile. Although it was a little silly, it was exactly what I needed to hear. I know I will probably never understand or be able to change those people who do horrible things, but I am always in charge of myself. I can control how I make others feel. It is simultaneously an amazing and scary sentiment. We as humans have so much power to affect others with our actions and words. Today and every day, I will try to use that power for good.

You've got a Gypsy Soul to Blame...

These past three weeks have been great because I've finally gotten to travel a bit! First, I went to Krakow, Poland and the weekend after I was off to Budapest, Hungary. It feels really good to be traveling again. Prior to these trips, I had only visited Vienna, Austria (twice!) since being in Prague, and both of those trips were for visa stuff. Which reminds me...I finally have a visa and a work permit, so I am officially legal to live and work here! Yay!

My weekend trip to Krakow was great. Honestly, the main reason I wanted to visit Krakow was to take a trip to Auschwitz. Other than that, I was pretty ill informed about the actual city itself. My traveling buddy Tori and I took a night train to Krakow, which was about an 8 and 1/2 long trip. We booked the train because, A.) we thought we could sleep on the train and B.) it was cheap. Well, weren't we in for a surprise when we found our seats. The seats were broken up into different carriages that seated eight people per carriage. I say the word "seats" lightly. They were basically glorified benches. I half expected the dude from Eurotrip to be sitting next me massaging my back and saying, "mi scusi, mi scusi". Thankfully, the people in our carriage were awesome and we ended up drinking most of the night and playing Cards Against Humanity. By the time we arrived to Krakow, I was still a bit intoxicated and tried to take out a ton of money at the ATM because I didn't understand Polish currency. (Just giving Americans a good name, as usual). When we were finally able to check into our hostel, we took a well deserved nap and then explored the city. Krakow exceeded my expectations. The city center was beautiful and the streets were full of life. We saw a parade and a few shows just walking down the streets. Tori and I visited Oskcar Schindler's Factory, which was extremely interesting. Each room had a different sort of "theme" and made you feel like you were back in that time period. It was eye-opening and made me even more anxious to visit Auschwitz. 

The next day, Tori and I took an hour long bus ride to Auschwitz. Even though our tour group was huge, it was still a really enlightening experience. Some of the things that I saw were almost unbelievable. There were piles and piles of suitcases, shoes, kitchen utensils, etc. that belonged to the many victims of the camps. The most disturbing thing that I saw was a giant pile of human hair. Everyone who came into the camps had to get their hair cut, which resulted in tons and tons of human hair. It was a really eerie experience, knowing that I was in a place that became a living nightmare for so many. I stood in a gas chamber where people unknowingly were murdered after being told they were going to take a shower. Seeing the little holes in the ceiling of the building where the gas was dropped down was almost too much to bear. How did something this horrific and cruel go on? It was very bizarre to be in the same place that I have read, researched, and learned so much about in my short lifetime. I was at such a distinguishing place in human history that I don't think it really sunk in until after I was back in Prague. People kept asking me how my experience visiting Auschwitz was. I couldn't find the right words to accurately describe it. Amazing? No. Awesome? No. All those words seemed like a disrespectful way to describe such an important place in history. Honestly, I'm still not sure how to describe my visit to Auschwitz. But I can say this. Visiting Auschwitz was very eye-opening and almost unbelievable experience. I think that everyone should visit at least once in their life to understand the horror of events that occurred there and to make sure that something like this never happens again.

Praha Life

The last time I posted, I was anxiously awaiting my arrival to Prague. Well, now I have been in the city for three amazing months. These past three months have been a whirlwind. I have learned so much and met so many new people. My time here has flown by without me even noticing. Twice now, I have tried to write a new blog post, but have come up short. I'm not sure I can fit the on-goings of these past three months into one blog post. So many things have happened since then. I can, however, briefly sum it up.

Prague is everything I hoped it would be and more. The city is gorgeous and there is so much to do here. I am never bored. I have an apartment in the center of the city with three people from my TEFL course. The apartment is a two-minute walk from the Astronomical Clock and our street is always bustling with tourists. On any given night, I am bound to hear singing and laughing of drunken tourists outside my window. Although the tourists can get a little annoying when you're in a hurry to get somewhere, I keep reminding myself how cool it is that I live somewhere that people want to visit. I am so lucky to be here. I wake up every day feeling extremely grateful to be living in this beautiful city.

The first month in Prague was filled with lesson planning, teaching, and a decent amount of stress. I received my TEFL certificate on April 12th, 2014 and am now working part-time as a preschool teacher for 3-5 year olds. The TEFL course was demanding and terrifying at first, but I made it through. Teaching is a lot harder than I expected and a bit of a daunting task. I met some great friends in my TEFL course and have had so many adventures with them already. We all came to Prague as strangers, and now it feels like we've known each other forever. I couldn't ask for anything more in my life right now. This is exactly where I want to be and I am so grateful that I decided to take the risk to move to a foreign country. I'm so happy to be living my dream :)

The Final Countdown

     Well, twelve days from now I will be on a plane heading to Prague. I honestly cannot believe how quickly it has crept up on me. I feel so unprepared. I still have a million things to do. And packing? HA that's funny. I have virtually nothing packed. I remember scrambling around the night before I left for London trying to finish my packing. Let's hope I don't repeat that this time around. I feel like this day is sneaking up on me so fast. In less than two weeks, I will be back on European soil. I am not even going to try to lie, I am really scared. The closer it gets to March 12th, the more apprehensive I become. This time around, it is so different. I am going completely alone without knowing anyone else. Also, I think the fact that I don't know how long I'll be gone is freaking me out a little bit. When I was studied abroad, I knew down to the day how long I would be away. This time around, I could be gone for any amount of time. Two months, six months, a year? Who knows. It's going to be harder for me because I don't know how long I will be away from everyone that I love.

    The last time I went away, my nephew was just shy of three months old. I missed him horribly. Now, my little buddy is almost three. I am so fearful of leaving him. He is old enough now to understand that Aunt Keek won't be back for awhile. On top of that, I now also have a five month old niece. I will be leaving not one, but two little ones behind. I have so many reservations and I know a lot of my loved ones would feel relieved if I changed my mind about going. Despite all these fears and reservations, I know that I won't change my mind. I have spent way too much time dreaming of this day that is fast approaching. I have obsessively researched job opportunities abroad. I have prayed and hoped and dreamed of this moment. I couldn't imagine my regret if I changed my mind. This is hands down the most brave thing that I have ever done. Five years ago, if you would have told me that I would be moving to Europe all by myself, I would have laughed in your face. I have never considered myself a particularly independent person. I rely on a lot of people for help and advice. My family and friends have always been my crutch. I guess this will be the first time I will truly be on my own. After 23 years, I will finally feel like an adult. Of course, in true Kasey style, I can't easily transition into adulthood like a normal person. Instead, I pick the most drastic change that anyone could go through. I can't help that I caught the travel bug. I can't help that I'm different from my family and 90% of my friends. I don't believe that life is meant to be spent in one place. I want experiences. I don't want a boyfriend or a husband or a child right now. I just want to go see the world. Whenever I am feeling apprehensive or afraid, I need to remember why I am doing this in the first place. I need to remember what made me fall in love with travel. One of the worst feelings is living with regret. I refuse to live my life with regret. So, in twelve days, I will board a plane to Prague, feeling fearful and anxious. But underneath all that uncertainty, the desire to travel and explore will fuel me to keep going. I know that this is what I am meant to be doing.

I'm moving to Prague!

     I have big news. Like big, life changing news. So, I have officially put down a non-refundable deposit for a TEFL course in Prague! Yes, that's right…I'M MOVING TO PRAGUE! What?! Even though I put down my deposit at the beginning of December, I am still freaking out about it! I am going to be living in Europe. I am going to teach English. Terrified doesn't even begin to cover how I feel. But underneath all those nerves, I am so excited. My dreams are finally coming true. I have jumped through so many hoops and have spent an unhealthy amount of time online researching job opportunities in Europe. Finally, FINALLY I am going to continue my traveling dreams. The scariest part about the move is the course itself. I have researched the TEFL program that I'm joining, and it doesn't seem easy in any way. Apparently, the second day of the course I will be up in front of the classroom teaching a lesson to native Czech speakers! I am in no way comfortable with public speaking, so I know this opportunity will be a challenge for me and will test me in many ways. I am so ready though. I am so ready for a change and I am so ready to be in Europe again.

This is my future home. What?! How beautiful is this?

       I'm going to be in for a huge culture shock once I get there. Prague is so different from London. From the people, to the food, to the atmosphere…I honestly have little idea what to expect. I am a little apprehensive about what this experience will bring, but I am 100% sure that this is what I am meant to be doing. Awhile ago, I was absolutely convinced that I had found my "ticket back to Europe". I started working for a popular tour group, promoting their company. I worked my butt off to make sure I was doing my absolute best, hoping to earn a European Internship with the company. When I found out that I wasn't chosen for a position, I was crushed. I had such high hopes for this opportunity and I was sure that I would have been stellar at it. I came so close to my traveling dreams, just to have them snatched away at the last second. That same night I found out I wasn't going back to Europe (at least not with the touring company), I prayed and prayed that I would find a way to get back. I had to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and God must have something bigger in store for me. The very next day, I was browsing a popular travel blog and came across a blog comment mentioning a TEFL course in Prague. The comment was from a young American much like myself, who had the travel bug and joined this program on a whim. In his comment, he said it was the very best decision that he could have made and went on praising the course. At first I was indecisive, thinking "Would I ever want to go to Prague?" and questioned my ability to teach. But something about that comment stuck with me (not to mention the author's response confirming that it was a reputable course). I researched the course, pouring through their website and looking up reviews online. Something about this program just seemed right. It clicked with me that this was something I actually had the ability to do. I honestly believe that it was no coincidence the day after I was upset about my plans falling through, this opportunity just happened to fall in my lap. It was like God was saying to me "Here it is! This is what you should be doing!" I knew right then and there that I would be moving to Prague to teach English.

       Not getting that internship may have been the best thing that could have happened. Sometimes better things come along when you least expect them to. Although I have no idea what the future holds for me, I am so thankful to have found this opportunity and I am so happy to be traveling again. I encourage anyone who has ever wanted to travel to take the leap and make it happen. Do whatever it takes. If you want something badly enough, make it happen and don't give up. There will be obstacles and setbacks along the way, but you can't allow yourself to become discouraged. Sometimes things have a way of working out if you stick with it  :)